Good morning and happy Wednesday from 1985! As a reward for making it half way through the week, I wanted to post this picture to both entertain you and highlight the importance of plastic surgery.
This is me at approximately age 7 or 8. Ohhhh yeah, looks for DAYS. I keep this picture around because every time I look at it, it makes me laugh. It also reminds me that behind everyone you meet, there is most likely a really awful childhood picture just waiting to be posted on a blog. Anyway, I had some major orthodontic issues going on as a child (clearly), but the best part is, I didn’t even realize it. I had no clue. I mean, I literally look like a combination of Jay Leno and Drake in high school – all hair, teeth and CHIN – but it didn’t phase me at all. All I cared about at that time in my life was that damn yellow polo, and whichever stray cat I had picked up on the way home from school. I actually LOVE this picture of myself, because how wonderful would it be to go back to a time when life was this uncomplicated?
Years later I ended up having massive reconstructive jaw surgery because my dental scenario consisted of an under-bite, a cross-bite, and an extra set of shark teeth. The picture above is one of several “before pictures” the surgeon took before he decided the only option was to break my jaw and reset it using chicken wire and my parents insurance money.
So let’s fast forward 6 years and then we get this little gem:
The hair, the soft lighting…I die. This is my glamour shot. Oh sorry, I mean, this is my Glamour Shot. Oklahomans really enjoy a good makeover, so we had places “down at the mall” that would doll you up like a 43 year old divorcee, then do you a solid and take a series of a-little-too-sexy photographs for the low low price of $29.95. For the record, I was 14 here. I don’t remember exactly why I decided to take these pictures, maybe I was super excited about my new jaw, maybe it was hot outside and the mall had air conditioning. Your guess is as good as mine. All I remember is later that day I had to go to basketball camp in Edmond, Oklahoma and the whole afternoon a disgusting combination of sweat, hairspray and mascara kept getting in my eyes during drills. Was it worth it?